Looking Back at Becoming Charity

I let myself have the weekend off from actual writing, thinking I could give my brain a bit of a break.  You see, when I really get going, the scenes seem to play in my mind and it's as though I'm simply a fly on the wall, watching, my hand furiously typing away to get it all down on the page.  Sure, I start out on a new piece with a basic outline for the plot, but that's about it.  I love when this happens.  I'll go back and read over what I have and often find myself thinking, 'wow, I wrote that?'.  Ok, back to that whole giving my brain a break thing.  Yeah.  It didn't happen.  As has become more and more frequent, I found my mind wandering back to the first book I published, The Society: Becoming Charity.  What I was once so proud of has become a literary thorn in my side.

I began writing it nearly seven years ago.  It was a release, a way to deal with some things that were going on in my life.  I had no intention of it being published, ever.  I shared bits on a couple of different sites and with a few friends, and that was it.  Then my friends who had read it began telling me I should look in to getting published, and finally I did.  I worked hard to get the book to a good ending point, found a publisher who would take something that didn't have a romantic sub-plot and that was written in the first person instead of the third.  I was thrilled when it was accepted, waiting eagerly for it to go live.  Then came the second and third books.  It was somewhere between their publication dates that I began to wonder about the first book, started to think it might not be the best it could have been.

It really hit me when I had the compilation book The Society: The First Three published.  I went back through all three to double check for typos, continuity errors, etc.  I found myself reading through the first one and cringing more often than not.  Now, I know most artists are their own worst critics, and that people say you'll never be completely happy with your work.  Since I can be a perfectionist, I set a goal for myself in order to know when a piece was ready for publication.  It's when I can read through and have it be something that I would buy, read and enjoy myself.  I'm a picky reader, especially when it comes to erotica, so this seemed a reasonable goal.  It's worked.  Unfortunately, that goal was set after my first had been published and now I find that it doesn't live up to that standard.  Now, after a long while of thinking it over, I've finally started.

I copied the original content in to a new file and dove in, scalpel in hand.  Overly harsh or extreme scenes will be reworked.  Repetitive scenes will be cut and glossed over.  New scenes will be added to give the book a good, solid plot as well as to allow the characters to become more fully developed.  I refuse to be embarrassed by the book I was once so proud of any longer, and it is my sincere hope that you, dear reader, will not hold this against me.  I was young and angry when it began, and in my determination to be published, I gave you something sub-par.  Believe me when I say I can hear the voices of my English teachers back through the years, and they're all saying the same thing.  "What were you thinking!!"  I am not sure when the edited version will be available, but hopefully it will be soon, and followed by the fourth book in my The Society series, Vanished!

To those of you who actually read the original first book all the way through, you have my thanks and my apologies.  For those who put it down after the first few pages, I understand completely, and I sincerely hope you might give it a second chance when the edited version becomes available.  I'm planning to post some of the edited bits here so that you can decide if it will be worth it to you or not.

Now, enough living in the past!  Time for me to get back to work, the sooner to give you wonderful readers something you can really enjoy!

What Readers Want, Fantasy vs. Reality:One author's fears

  In the two years since my first book was published, I have found that at some point during the writing of each book I become absolutely terrified. Sometimes the cause is clear, like finding something that sounds interesting to read and then seeing it ripped to shreds in the reviews. Sometimes, not so much. This time, just as I've reached the 10k word mark for the next installment in the Freshman Year set, I find that it's realism - or lack there of - that's getting me. Yes, this series is a blend of realistic situations and not-so-realistic ones. I like writing that way. But is it what the reading public wants? Or are they looking for all or nothing, total fantasy or total realism?

  Working with my genre of choice, kink erotica, it can be very difficult to even begin to get a feel for what readers want.  From what little I've been able to gather, some want pure realism, to see the characters sit down and talk at length about limits, safewords, precautions and their relationship dynamic.  Others want a more fantasy based world, where these things need not be discussed, where safewords practically don't exist, dynamics happen naturally and things are done that would be highly unlikely or impossible in the real world (like "acquiring" a slave through kidnapping).

  From the other side of the pen, I have read both.  Perhaps it is because I can easily separate myself from reality if a book is more in the realm of fantasy, but I enjoy both for what they are.  In fact, it's been some of the more "real world" based books, including a couple written memoir style, I've read that have left me a bit disturbed because I can't help thinking "what on earth possessed them to do that?!".  The most common instance of this seems to be leaving a bound and gagged submissive alone for longer than it takes to run to the bathroom.

  That's not to say that some of the fantasy world pieces haven't left me similarly disturbed.  They have.

  A good example of this is one I read a while back where the Dominant characters seemed to take a great deal of pleasure in seriously damaging the anal cavities of every female in the book.  The author made sure to go in to fairly graphic detail of this each time.  Sure, my first series involves body modification, including branding, and there's a scene with a warm curling iron at one point, but I strive to make it clear that the main female, Annie, has no desire to permanently injure her new slave in any way.  Welts are attended to, brandings and piercings are cared for, etc, even though it takes place in an underground kink world where slaves are property first and people second.

  I don't know about you, dear reader, but when I pick up a piece of fiction, I don't necessarily want to wade through the characters having a lengthy discussion about soft and hard limits, safewords and expectations.  Some mention of it, sure, that can be a good thing, but even in a "real world" based kink erotica book I'm not looking for "real life".  If that's what I want, I'll go read a blog, or go to a munch.  Perhaps I am the odd one out on this.  I've read so many reviews of KE books that rip in to the author for not including scenes like that.  Or for not taking into account "real world" obstacles, like the possibility of STD's in a glory hole scene, or unwanted pregnancy when there is no mention of birth control or condoms.

  We live with these things every day.  There are so many people, myself included, who have fantasies that will never be acted upon because of the obstacles the world presents.  Now, I can understand wanting to read something that shows you are not alone in this.  I think we've all been there at least once.  But isn't that what non-fiction is for?  Biographies, auto-biographies, memoirs and the like?  With fiction, why not just sit back and enjoy a slightly tweaked reality where the characters don't have to worry about these things?  Whether I am reading or writing, if it's fiction it's an escape from the every day and the limits real life gives.

  Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  The world would be a dull place if everyone thought the same things.  That said, in my own opinion, if you read a fictional kink erotica piece that is lacking in the previously mentioned real life scenes, don't shred it in a review just because of that. Mention that you personally dislike KE that doesn't have this element, and move on.  As an author, it's hard enough to even begin to figure out what readers want while you're working on a new piece.  And it can be scary.  I can only speak for myself, but I know I try to appeal to as wide an audience as I can.  But no one can please everyone all of the time.  Just keep that in mind.