Porn stars. Women in romance and erotic novels. Writers for Cosmopolitan Magazine. What do they have in common? The myth that they are the only ones capable of multiple orgasm, with the common assumption that the first and last are largely faking it/lying about it and that it's extremely rare - if not impossible - for the average woman to achieve this. This also comes with a reasonable disbelief in the possibility of fainting or nearly fainting from orgasm, orgasm on command, orgasm without direct genital stimulation and the "rarest" of all, female ejaculation, which I'll cover at another time. The key word in all of this is myth, for that's exactly what it is. To a certain degree, I am speaking from personal experience and the experiences of women I know intimately. To a much larger degree, I am basing this on any number of studies and surveys conducted on the matter.
From HealthCentral.com article Multiple Orgasms
"All women are [physiologically] capable of having multiple orgasms," says Barbara Bartlik, MD, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Weill Medical College of Cornell University in New York, NY. So why aren't more women keeping their neighbors awake at night with their moans of pleasure?
"Women, and their partners, don't usually try to have multiple orgasms," says Bartlik. And why aren't women trying? Bartlik chalks it up to no time and no desire. "These days, people are very busy and they just don't have time for sex. When they do have time for sex, they don't have the energy to work for more than one orgasm," she says. They may also feel greedy about looking for a second or third orgasm. It feels like asking for a second or third slice of birthday cake.
"Many women [are] comfortable and satisfied with one orgasm, and they don't want to try for more," says Bartlik, who adds, "Instead of thinking about multiple orgasms as an embarrassment of riches, why not think of them as making up for lost time?"
I especially like that bit about seeing multiples as making up for lost time.
What is a Multiple Orgasm? Multiple orgasms are a series of sequential orgasmic experiences that occur in quick succession. And when it comes to multiples, women have the biological upper hand over men. This is because unlike men, women don't experience a refractory period (the period of time after men ejaculate when they can't be aroused). So women can and do respond immediately after orgasm to more (or hopefully continuous) clitoral, vaginal, and G-spot (that small, raised bump of urethral tissue just inside your vagina along its front wall) stimulation.
We certainly do live in hectic times, with everything scheduled to the last second, always rushing from one thing to another. Is it any wonder that sex takes such a low priority for so many? With our energy going towards so many things, when we do have (or make) the time for sex, we don't always have the time or energy to make the most of it, to really enjoy it. This saddens me, as there are so many little everyday things that could be improved by simply having a better sex life. Multiple studies have indicated a number of health benefits associated with precisely that.
Benefits (From the WebMD.com article 10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex )
1. Boosts immune system
2. Boosts your libido
3. Improves bladder control in women
4. Lowers blood pressue
5. Counts as exercise
6. Lowers risk of heart attack
7. Lessens pain
8. May lower risk of prostate cancer in men
9. Improves sleep
10. Lowers stress
All of these things have been linked to having a healthy sex life. If one orgasm is good for you, why not take the time and effort to go for more? Too difficult? Impossible? Pure fiction? Read on.
From the kinseyconfidential.org article How Do Women Experience Multiple Orgasms?
Although some women rarely or never experience orgasm, most women are capable of experiencing orgasm – even multiple orgasm. That’s because women don’t have a refractory period like men do, which is the time between one ejaculation and their ability to have another ejaculation.
We don’t fully understand why some women experience multiple orgasms and others do not. In part, it may have to do with expectations about sex and orgasm. After all, even one orgasm is difficult for some women to experience, so some women may be happy with one orgasm and may not even try to have a second orgasm after their first.
Other times, women who orgasm during sex with a partner may find that their partner doesn’t continue with sexual stimulation – such as intercourse or oral sex – and so they may not have multiple orgasms because their partner stops stimulating them.
Partners may stop stimulation because they are tired or because, in the case of vaginal intercourse, they ejaculate more quickly than they might like to. It can therefore be easier, for some women, to have multiple orgasms during self-masturbation.
OK, ladies, truth time. How many of us blame ourselves for our lack of satisfaction in the bedroom, or simply don't speak up because we don't want our partner to feel bad? Mmhmm. Communication is key, people. So, either talk to your partner about your lack of full satisfaction and desire for multiples or start taking some "me time" to explore your own body and find what it takes. You may be thinking 'What's the point? I've always had trouble with orgasms, so why try?" As much as we may like to think we know what we're doing because its our body, that may not always be true. Check out this article for more information.
Still not convinced that "real" women can find multi-orgasmic bliss? Check out these findings from one of Alfred Kinsey's studies.
Sources of first orgasm for females:
40% masturbation
27% coitus
24% premarital petting (not found in chart)
5% nocturnal dreams
3% homosexual
1% other sources (p. 545, Female)
10% of all females in the sample had never reached orgasm in their marital coitus, (footnote, Table 113, p. 408, Female). 39-47% of females reported reaching orgasm in nearly all of their marital coitus, (Table 112, p. 408, Female). About 50% of females had experienced orgasm by age 20; about 90% by age 35. (p. 513, Female)
Multiple Orgasm:
Females: 14% of females in the sample reported regularly responding with multiple orgasms, (p. 375, Female).
Or this: Orgasm in America
Sexually speaking, we women are mental creatures (is it any wonder that written erotica is a female dominanted market?), and in a lot of ways I believe that can make it harder for some to reach multiple orgasm. Even more so when you factor in how society teaches us to see sex and our own sexuality, but that's a post for another time! Getting out of your head can be a key factor in having a truly satisfying orgasm or three. For some, this may mean simply focusing on the task at hand to the exclusion of everything else, for others it could mean playing out a fantasy in their mind. Unfortunately for many, it may take getting past certain hang-ups. I've talked to a number of women who complain about orgasm problems, blaming their partner entirely, when they've never once even tried taking matters in to their own hands. I mean that literally, by the way. General statistics indicate that 70–80 percent of women require direct clitoral stimulation (consistent manual, oral or other concentrated friction against the external parts of the clitoris) to achieve orgasm. Penetration alone may just not do it for you, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Don't be afraid to give it a little rub while he's inside you - chances are, you'll be glad you did! Worried about how he'll react? Honestly, any man who has an issue with you doing what it takes to reach that moment of bliss likely doesn't deserve to be a part of it at all. Is the angle not quite right? Try doggy style - it's much easier to reach that way, and if he's feeling slightly inadequate because of your efforts, at least this way he doesn't have to see it. Look back up at him, bite your lip and moan (genuinely, I'd hope!) and he'll likely forget all about your handy work. If he's all for finding ways to help you enjoy sex more, you can even try using a vibrator - you just may not want to start with anything cock shaped. Some guys take a while to get used to the idea of that.
A little more advice on the subject from Barbara Bartlik, MD:
- Learn your body. You have to crawl before you walk; you have to have one orgasm before you can have multiple orgasms. Get to know your body's hot spots and not-spots. This is the essential foundation to sexual response.
- Practice. It takes practice (both by yourself and with your partner) to achieve multiple orgasms. It's sort of like learning to have your first orgasm. You have to immerse yourself in fantasy, or do whatever it takes to get you aroused, and you have to use lots of lubrication so that you can keep trying for more orgasms by stimulating all of your genital area, while focusing your attention to your clitoris, vagina, and G-spot.
- Slow down, and use lots of foreplay, especially foreplay that focuses on clitoral stimulation.
- Get some rest beforehand. Often, experiencing multiples is limited by your lack of sleep. After one orgasm, many women feel relaxed. So relaxed, that they may want to drift off to sleep. But if you are well rested, you can resist that sleep temptation, and work for another orgasm, and another, and another.
- After the first orgasm, the orgasms "come" easier. It might take 10 to 15 minutes to reach your first orgasm, but your second can occur in as little as five minutes, and your third in only two minutes. Keep going as long as you're having fun.
When all is said and done, it becomes clear that yes, it is possible for you to have multiple orgasms. It may take a little time and effort, and possibly one of these, however, when it happens, it will be well worth it, trust me.
No comments:
Post a Comment