Submission and Fear

fear

fi(ə)r/

noun

1. 1.

   an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.

Fear is a strange thing.  So are the reactions it causes in people.  These reactions have been ingrained in the human race pretty much since the beginning of time, and they aren't going anywhere any time soon.  Some people might say that experiencing fear within a relationship is a "red flag", a sign that you're in a dangerous situation.  This isn't necessarily true.  Who we are and what we have experienced in the past has a huge impact on what causes fear in us as individuals.  Instead of being a sign that we need to get away from what is causing the fear, it can simply mean that we are perceiving our current situation as similar to a negative one from our past.   Still, fear isn't always a bad thing.  Sometimes it is simply a hurdle one has to get over to reach a goal and, in doing so, find a freedom one didn't know existed.

sub·mis·sion

səbˈmiSHən/

noun

1. 1.

   the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.

Submission.  Unless we're talking about the style of wrestling, this is a "dirty" word of sorts in today's society.  We struggle and claw and fight for power, for control and if you have it, you're successful.  If you don't, you're a failure.  If you choose to give that power up?  You're an idiot.  You willingly give up that control to your significant other?  Clearly you are being abused and just can't see it.  Eeesh.  No wonder so many people spend their entire lives repressing their urges.  

Is it any wonder that the thought of submitting to someone can be a terrifying experience?  We are programmed not to give up our control, especially of our selves, to anyone.  When you have those urges, this can make things extremely difficult.  That fear doesn't mean you should turn tail and run, though.  In fact, I have found that having someone on the other end of things who understands the fear your urges are causing and who can help you work through that fear is more productive than giving in to the fear.  It's very much like with Annie and Sean in At The Manor, Part Two.  Annie experienced something in her past that caused her to push her desire to submit so far down that she nearly forgot it all together.  She may have been willing to submit in the bedroom, but she had the safety net of still ultimately being in control when it ended.  

Then came Sean.  He stirred things in her that she hadn't felt in a very long time.  Those urges came back, causing an intense fear when she realized that it could possibly happen again.  That she wanted to be able to hand over the control and power that she had fought so hard for.  He sees her fear and her urges battling in her mind and does what he has to.  This snippet shows exactly what I am talking about.

“It's not you I'm afraid of, I swear. It's letting go, submitting again. I've been terrified of it ever since that night. Francis even cut that part of my training short, because he knew where my mind was.”

I couldn't look at him. I could barely look at anything but the carpet.

“Annie, I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'd never harm ya. I dinna know what I need ta do ta prove it to ya, love, but I will prove it. To the rest of The Society, ye'll be my partner, and nothin' more. I may desire more from ya, but they never need know.” His voice was low and soothing, and I began to relax a little.

“Thank you.”

Annie, instead of letting that fear win out, puts her trust in him that he will never harm her.  Sure, she still needs a little push from him to give in to the urges, but once she does, the fear she had been experiencing due to past events turns to exhilaration and she finds a level of freedom she hadn't known existed.  Just as it is possible for a real life "Annie" to become aroused by the thought of submitting to someone, it is also possible for anyone with the urge to submit to another to overcome their pre-programmed fears and find that same freedom.  If it is in you, what good will come from suppressing it?  You can live your life in fear of the things that at your core you know you need, or you can find that someone who will see those fears and help you overcome them.  Chances are, you'll be happier in the end.