Whatever Happened to Good Manners?

Please.  Thank you.  Excuse me.  There was a time when these were so completely common in everyday speech that to not use them when the situation called for it was unthinkable.  Today, sadly, not so much.  It would seem good manners are becoming a thing of the past.  Typically I ignore the lack of manners from the general public while making sure to use them myself, as I was raised to.  There isn't much I can do about the fact that painfully few children are raised to be polite anymore, or about the general rudeness in society today.  What I would like to attempt to do something about, however, is the lack of manners within the kink community when it comes to events.

I've been active in my local community for almost ten years now.  For some, that may seem like a long time, for others I may still be considered a relative newbie.  Either way you look at it, a lot has changed in those ten years and it's been fascinating to watch.  Trends have gained and declined in popularity, people have come and gone and come again - and what were once widely accepted rules have apparently gone the way of the Dodo.  I was at an event recently where I had the chance to simply sit back and observe.  The space was, admittedly, on the small side.  Many communities have to make do with less-than-perfect locations for events due to local laws.  Due to the size of the space, having well defined, separate areas for play and socialization wasn't possible as it is at other venues.  The point of this is generally to keep the chatter of those socializing from interfering with the scenes taking place.  In this case, not a big deal, right?  It would seem simple enough to speak softly when having a conversation near a scene, would it not?  Perhaps if the music hadn't been blaring so loudly as to make this extremely difficult, if not impossible.

Alright.  Not the first time I've seen something like this.  You prepare for it, work around it.  If you're going to have a scene, you know what sort of environment it will be in.  If the noise bothers you, bring earplugs or don't scene at that venue.  Still, what I observed from people at this event (and at others I have been to in the last few weeks) both saddens and appalls me.  I'll do my best to keep this as basic as possible.

1. Excuse Me.

Two of the most underused words in the English language today, if you ask me.  I can't count the number of times I have been at a crowded event and had someone push past me, push me in to someone else, step on my feet, and/or nearly spill a drink (theirs or mine) on me in their attempt to get from one side of the room to the other without so much as an apologetic look.  Yes, the room is crowded.  Yes, there may not be much room for you to get through.  Even more reason to apply basic manners and say "Excuse me" as you try to wiggle your way through the crowd, and while you're at it, be mindful of people's feet and drinks.  

2. Watch where you step

Since we're already on the topic of watching where you walk, be on the lookout for designated play areas.  Typically, the smaller the event space, the more important this becomes.  This is not only good manners, it is safety as well.  Look around.  Check the floor around any dungeon furniture that may be on display at this event.  Do you see areas marked off there?  Chances are, you do.  These areas are not guidelines, they are not polite suggestions.  They mean that should you step within those lines while a scene is in progress you may very likely get hit by some implement or another on the back swing.  And it will be entirely your fault.  Do not walk through these areas when a scene is going on, and do not stand too close to this line to watch. 

3. Watch where you stand

Many venues provide tables and chairs for the guests, and many people will arrive early in order to lay claim to a table, especially in smaller venues.  Some may even provide seating around the dungeon area (in a venue where space allows for separate play and social areas) so that guests may sit comfortably and watch.  Despite this, you opt to stand to watch a particular scene in progress.  That's perfectly fine.  However, take a few seconds to peel your eyes off the scene and look around to make sure that you aren't blocking someone else's view.  Now, I understand that in some cases, this may be unavoidable to a certain degree.  However, by being aware of your surroundings and, when necessary and possible adjusting so you are no longer blocking the view of others, you lessen your chances of coming off as rude or ill-mannered. 

4. Watch who you touch

One would think this would go without saying, and there was a time when it did.  However, lately, it would seem this has gone out the window right along with everything else.  The scene I'm a part of has always been fairly laid back and informal, unlike some others - it's a regional thing - and so it's perfectly normal for friends to hug and what not, regardless of if they are Dom or sub, owned or not.  In some scenes, even a good friend wont hug someone who is a sub or slave without the direct permission of their Dominant.  I digress.  Now, when I attend events, I see something that greatly disturbs me - people running around smacking others with toys without direct consent, people joining in on scenes (seemingly) without having been invited, and just generally touching people when they shouldn't be.  In my opinion, one simple rule applies here - if you wouldn't run around touching everyone in a vanilla setting, don't do it in a kink one.  Hell, even if you would do it in a vanilla setting, don't do it here.


Even in the world as it is today, manners still matter.  Do yourself and everyone around you a favor and try to remember that.